A Woman: As The ‘Man’ of Her Family
By Aiza Imran
We live in a society where gender roles are so sharply defined that both men and women are lost if they were to perform a task usually done by the other gender. Do we ever wonder why we have to be so rigid when our religion isn’t? What happens when a mother has to adopt the role of a man as sole breadwinner – a role she was barely trained for?
There are several women out and about in the city right now struggling, on the brink of giving up because they’re overburdened in the process of being single mothers or sole breadwinners for their family. Maybe they have been let down by their own parents, in-laws, husbands or even by the government. It is difficult for most of us privileged people to understand the hard knocks that the single mothers in Pakistan suffer. To help us realize ground realities, I requested such a lady to open up about her personal experiences.
- What education have you acquired?
A: Honors in Economics.
- Did your parents prioritize your education?
A: Yes.
- What is your marital Status?
A: Divorced. My ex-husband was neglectful towards me and did not fulfill his responsibilities. I tried my best to make my marriage work but effort from both sides is vital.
- How many children do you have?
A: I have three children – two daughters and a son.
- What role do you play in your family?
A: For my children, I have been both a mother and a father for the past 20 years. I have taken care of all their needs including their education. And I always try to ensure my children don’t feel anything missing from their lives.
- How do you financially support yourself and your family?
A: To utilize my education, I work as a teacher at a school and have been doing so for the past 18 years. Also, I stitch and cook on order I thought of handling this side-business because I want to fully use my potential and earn as much as I possibly can.
- Did you ever seek financial help to support your business?
A: Over the years, I have learnt a lot of things and one of them is that people only support you verbally. So the best way is to build yourself up without any external assistance.
- What’s been one of your worst working experiences in the past 20 years?
A: In the beginning, even with my degree, I didn’t find a well-paid job. The only job I was offered was at a small school and they only paid me Rs. 800 per month. Yes, Rs. 800 and not even Rs. 8000. You must be wondering how I survived with such a low income. Only I know how I got through it all. There were a few difficult steps I took after this that defined my actual worth and let me move on faster.
- It is only natural to get demotivated when you’re in a dark phase of your life. How did you manage?
A: Of course, a human is bound to be depressed if faced with too many hardships at once. I too went through this phase and became diabetic and suffered thyroid problems. Thankfully, I was able to get past it and now I’m in a better place, mentally and physically.
- Based on your experiences, what is your advice to women out there who are struggling with their marriage or family pressure regarding their education?
A: As a woman, when I had to get out of my comfort zone to play my role as a single parent I learnt things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. Obviously it wasn’t easy. I almost gave up but I knew Allah was with me. I realized that I hadn’t even discovered half of my potential. Hence, my advice to all the women out there is that they should never underestimate themselves and always prioritize themselves and their education. Only then they will be able to overcome difficulties.
Regarding marriage, you’ll often be told to compromise and make it last as long as possible. But this will only cause you and others pain. Just do what you think you can handle and you’re good to go.
***
Allah (swt) has created everything in pairs, including relief and hardship. We cannot appreciate relief unless we endure hardship. And life does become extremely painful because of that.
A Momin dies but never gives up – simply because he or she knows that as long as he or she is on Allah’s (swt) path (obedience), he or she will find light at the end of this journey.
“La Tahzan! Innallaha Maana”
Do not grieve. Allah is with us.
Talking to ‘A’ actually helped me gain perspective. Women tend to face extra but unnecessary pressures and suffer as a consequence. As empathetic and responsible Muslims, the least we can do is be considerate. Look around and spot struggling single mothers and support them in any way possible – financial or emotional.
Note: To protect her identity, I referred to her as A throughout the article.
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