Khula and Talaq have become common terms today. One of the reasons for annulling marriage in Islam is when a spouse turns atheist. Anyone, who steps out of the fold of Islam, is not considered to be a worthwhile life partner or a responsible parent. Hiba interviews a single mother, who bravely bore it all by Allah’s (swt) will.
Do you ever have any regrets for taking a Khula?
Since my ex consciously abandoned his beliefs, I got a Fatwah on his apostasy, according to which our marriage was over. Thus, I never felt the need to go for a Khula. By law, he had to divorce me, which he did. It has been almost five years, and I don’t have any regrets.
What problems do you face as a single mother?
Being single has its pros and cons. I believe if I stayed with a man, whose beliefs differed from mine, our marriage would always be rocky. Woman divorcee has to face a lot of challenges in our society. Juggling through emotions is difficult, and when you have to take care of your child’s emotions as well, it can become extremely challenging.
It took me almost two years to gain a clearer perspective of realities of life – I had to deal with everything on my own, with little support from my near ones.
As a single parent, the entire authority of making decisions rests on me: from selecting the school my son will attend to his food choices – countless restrictions and freedoms to consider. I had to manage the finances, keeping in mind the yearly rise in school fees and other expenditures.
Disciplining your child, while your life is still unsettled, is tough. Although you may be trying to do everything to make your child feel safe and loved, there are moments, when the child will feel abandoned or unloved.
What really helped me to keep my sanity were the people I surrounded myself with. My colleagues, friends and a few family members, who helped me stay connected to Allah (swt) and steer clear of depression, self-pity and loneliness. Having a mentor is also important.
Do you believe your child will get all the opportunities?
I am very hopeful and optimistic. Alhumdulillah, his school has been supportive in encouraging him to achieve what I could never have imagined. Staying positive and trusting Allah (swt) makes matters easy to cope with
Does the future ever scare you?
Yes, it undoubtedly does. I have fears regarding puberty issues and managing a teenage boy all by myself as well as about the time, when my son will ask questions about his father. I worry about financial matters, but, Alhumdulillah, my parents help me manage on my low income.
How important is marriage in a woman’s life?
Unfortunately, we’ve been moulded to think that divorced women are off limits and don’t stand a chance in the ‘marriage market’. For this reason, they either choose to remain divorcees or take a long time, before ever opening up to the idea of remarrying. I liked being married and would still consider a decent proposal. Besides, marriage is a Sunnah! There are times, when you need a Mahram – since my father is quite elderly and my brother has his own family, this is a void that needs to be filled.
Is it unfair that divorcees are unable to re-marry?
Absolutely. If you look back at Prophet’s (sa) time, women had no issues getting re-married. I was amazed when I heard that Umar bin Khataab (rtam) asked both Abu Bakr Siddiq (rtam) and Uthman ibn Affan (rtam), if they would like to marry his daughter, but they both declined, because they knew that the Prophet (saw) had expressed an interest in marrying her. Subhan’Allah!
Do you feel your child will grow up to be a stronger believer, due to the sacrifice you have made for him?
I honestly feel if you surround yourself with the right company, your priorities change accordingly. I came across this statement: “Let your children see you depending on Allah (swt) in all realms of your life, including work.”
Allah (swt) says: “Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).” (Al-Imran 3:159)
Al-Hasan Al-Basri beautifully puts it: “The world is three days: As for yesterday, it has vanished. As for tomorrow, you may never see it. As for today, it is yours, so work on it.”
Jazak Allah Khair for sharing your intimate thoughts with us. May Allah (swt) grant you Falah (success) for your efforts and struggle in His way. And may your child be the coolness of your eyes. Ameen.
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