Allah’s (swt) creations are generally in pairs, whether it is the night or the day, or the Sun or the Moon. And the obedience, precision, beauty, efficiency of their performance is astounding. It only overwhelmingly signifies Allah’s (swt) wisdom, knowledge and perfection in the great plan of creation.
These creations work in partnership and reach their potential through complete obedience to the Creator. And none of them interferes in the partner’s roles nor tries to overtake them. Imagine the Sun overcoming the Moon or the night preceding the day. It will spell destruction. Hence, harmony and success lies in honouring your own role diligently.
We too are the most important part of this creation plan, with our purpose being to obey, worship and submit entirely to Allah (swt). However, Allah (swt) has greatly honoured us by promising to us Jannah – the ultimate abode of believers for all the strife we endure. We have also been assigned roles on this earth, with marriage being an essential part of our life. How well are we performing in this arena?
“Hiba” interviewed some notable personalities regarding their own marriages and the advice they can offer to others, based on their experiences.
Married for approximately nineteen years, Mr. Asim Ismail is the founder of “Tarbiyah International” and “Al Wasila Trust”. How does he see his own marriage?
“In the first week of marriage a rule was set at home that we all will submit to the Quran and Sunnah. That maintained us with almost no conflicts. My wife and I both had different roles, so I cannot say who contributed more, but I guess my wife was more humble.
I would define a perfect marriage as getting the best from the available resources. The biggest threat to marriages today is justice not being served and rules not being set.
I always believe achievement is given by Allah (swt) alone and by following the Sunnah way. We applied the Sunnah in our marriage, so we got the fruits, Alhumdulillah. To live a blissful married life, every man must follow a justice and rule based approach.”
Brother Kashif Naseem Dilkushah, the head of “Azaan”, has been successfully married for over fourteen years. He is a happy father of five children, and here is what he had to share:
“There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. That will only happen in Jannah. Personally, I believe my wife and I both have contributed equally to this relationship. I handle conflicts in my marriage in different ways: sometimes by apologizing and at other times by observing silence.
I owe Allah (swt) for my achievements. And it was my wife, who supported me most.
In my opinion, the greatest threat to marriages today is lack of fear of Allah (swt) and lack of communication between the spouses. Every man, in order to live a blissful life, must set the rules of marriage with his spouse. The man should be the leader of the home and lead from the front. He needs to give respect and space to his wife and accept her genuine wishes, wherever possible.”
Married for ten years, an IT professional and father of two states: “Yes, there can be a perfect marriage. If the inspiration of the married couple is to follow the examples of the holy Prophet (sa) and Khadija (rtaf). You can add all of his other wives too but that is an example, which stands to me personally. Also the marriage of Ali (rtam) to Fatimah (rtaf).
Every marriage has conflicts. In my case, I talk about it and try to communicate my view / try to see my wife’s view. Give things some time, when an argument happens. Tempers tend to not go away, when both arguing sides keep facing each other. I believe that it is Shaytan, who wants to break you up, whereas Allah (swt) wants you to be together. Remember the happy times and be grateful that you have someone to go home to.
Looking back at our marriage, I believe we both have contributed equally. Even coin has two sides, and without one, the other is useless. Contributions can be direct or indirect, depending on the living conditions and how you have set things between you.
In my view, the biggest threat to marriages today is failure to properly find out who the potential husband/wife is to be? What is their family like? What is their belief system? What are their interests? How have other marriages worked in their family? Who are the dominant people in the family that override decisions of husbands and wives? Other threats are failure to have an open communication and lack of honesty between the spouses; the politics to ‘control’ the newly wedded couple often coming from jealous relatives, who can be directly or indirectly related; social status if one is coming from a lower financial, social or political background; Shaytan planting toxic ideas into a mother’s head that the wife will take away her son from her; the couple not getting their privacy and not spending special time together with each other; and financial restraints on the newly married couple prompting them to spend time apart.
A content marriage is a motivational drive to earn more and helps directly and indirectly in your career to get better financial footing. Every evening, you finish your work effectively and quickly because you have someone to go to at home.
In order to have a blissful married life, every husband must pray to Allah (swt) to protect his marriage from those who wish to destroy or harm it. Be honest in communication. Spend time with family and just be yourself. Know that love is not everything… without money, love tends to fade away, so use love to learn better skills and earn more. Stand up to those who ridicule your relationship or look for faults.”
“Hiba” highly appreciates the lessons drawn from successful marriages of these impressionable gentlemen. May Allah (swt) grant a successful marriage to every Muslim couple and make them partners in Paradise. Ameen.
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