- How social is your child?
Anyone who is a social genius will have little problems making friends, forming teams, and communicating confidently with people.
Have you ever come across someone who isolates himself, avoids company, and constantly complains about other people’s behaviour? What is the problem here? It is this person’s expectation of others. And when they fail him or her, this person complains and withdraws from them. Who is at fault in such situation?
Do not let your children carve out perfect and ideal situations and people in their minds. Let them experience what comes naturally to them, so they know that life will offer all kinds of people. We have to embrace the good ones, ignore the bad ones and move on.
Call your kids to your bedroom and chat about what they like. Never lecture them at that spot, so it creates fond memories for them. Take your kids to their grandparents and other relatives’ homes. Take them to parks and even for community service to old homes or orphanages, so they know how to relate to people, who are different. For older kids, who do not listen to you, strike deals with them to help them come out of their shells gradually. No university can teach them genuine social skills that emerge from the heart. And this is the power within one that one can unleash.
- Is your child an initiator?
Initiative is a sign of courage and will power. The habit of initiation shows a caring heart and an alert mind. Initiators generally create products and service of value right from scratch. They have confidence in themselves that they can add value to lives and their environment.
For certain tasks or targets, every child needs a push. Observe how many times your kids offer their ideas, help, etc. For this to happen, parents must create a safe atmosphere at home, where the kids will not be ridiculed, disgraced or rejected for being original.
Make a list with your kids of stuff they initiate, whether it is simply offering Salam to others, serving a glass of water, or giving up their seat for someone. Appreciate them and encourage them to keep doing so.
- Can your child share?
Is your child capable of sharing his meal with someone? Can she collect her pocket money or give away a portion of it for someone’s need? Can he buy something for someone else? If this is the case, do not worry so much about his or her grades, as this child will go forward in life. Why? Because he has an in-built sense of sacrifice in him, which is critical for future success. Empathy makes relationships work, enabling them to grow and glow.
- Is your child a natural learner?
Test him to explore the internet to find what is beneficial for him. See what he can come up with. And for mature kids, you will know by their history of searches what have they been looking up. This will help you understand how well your child understands the difference between time wasters and life builders.
But for this the child must have a set of parents or at least one parent, whom he has witnessed seeking useful knowledge via books, wise mentors, or workshops. He needs to be brought up in an environment, where learning and growing spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually happens.
If parents waste their time, they should never expect their kids to utilize theirs in a meaningful way.
- Can your child absorb setbacks?
This may sound cruel, but at times, even if you have the means to provide something to your child, do not do it. Why? You as a parent must have the final authority. He must realize that there is a difference between mind maps and real-life plans.
Children, who are constantly provided for and served by their parents, grow into weak individuals. They have only experienced fulfilled wishes. Hence, the slightest bit of refusal or withdrawal of privileges can break their hearts.
Toughen them up, so they become real people ready to adjust to grave situations, while you are at their side.
Make the following Dua every day: “O Lord, make my children the coolness of my eyes.” Their sight makes your eyes well up with joy, mercy and immense love. They become a source of pleasure for your Lord and yourself.
Adapted from Qasim Ali Shah’s talk “What makes a child successful in life?”
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