By Maryam Sakeenah
Children on the autism spectrum struggle with social relationships and often remain friendless, which increases their social isolation leading to feelings of loneliness. This in turn can develop low self-esteem and confidence issues as well as affect mental health negatively.
It is therefore important for autistic children to be assisted and facilitated to be able to develop social connections from the earliest ages by their parents and caregivers.
The best strategy to enable children on the spectrum to get comfortable among peers is to introduce games that involve sharing, cooperation, turn-taking and team spirit.
This will compel autistic children to share and participate with others in social interactions in light, enjoyable settings. For non-verbal children, games involving physical interaction and movement whereas for verbal ones, guessing and strategy-based games can help elicit engagement.
Playing together in small groups with sensory toys involving the use of the five senses enables these children to be around others in a comfortable setting where they can enjoy themselves without being overwhelmed.
In order to improve and develop understanding of simple social situations and responding to them appropriately, role-play can be performed and repeated multiple times for reinforcement. In small groups, simple social problems can be introduced and verbal autistic children encouraged to come up with solutions in discussion with peers.
Circle time and storytelling sessions with peers can be organized frequently in order to make autistic children journey together with others in the world of imagination and creativity, experiencing joy and escape and bonding with others at ease.
Given the sensitivity to noise and discomfort with large groups and open spaces, it is important to enable autistic children to develop and nurture friendships in smaller and quieter settings without triggers that may induce sensory overload.
Once an autistic child learns to be familiar and comfortable in small groups, parents could invite a friend or two over to spend more time and bond closer in a familiar safe environment. They can then be given activities like solving puzzles or putting together Lego pieces, sorting shapes or dressing dolls that can be quietly played together. It is important to keep such interactions small, quiet and low-key as well as reasonably short to prevent feelings of being overwhelmed or exhausted.
If peers and friends are not on the autism spectrum, it may be advisable to take parents of friends into confidence about the child’s special needs and triggers.
Assisting an autistic child with making a friendship may also involve encouraging them to give gifts and write down little notes to assist self-expression to bond better with peers.
Parents may also assist their autistic children find friends by joining peer-groups formed around a hobby or interest that the autistic child shares. Pursuing one’s interest and passion while in the company of others is a remarkable means to cultivate enduring friendships.
It may not be a good idea to let autistic children attend crowded parties or other large social events, as being in such settings nearly always results in sensory overload, social awkwardness, stress and anxiety. Sounds, sights and smells may also trigger meltdowns and this may lead to embarrassing situations affecting friendships adversely. It may make sense to talk to parents of the child hosting such events, or to school administrations about an autistic child’s inhibitions, triggers and struggles so that inability to participate does not become a stigma and is understood with empathy and kindness.
Given the struggle most autistic children face with communication, parents and caregivers must encourage these children to write down what they feel or express the same through art. Having ‘pen pals’ who they can write to and paint for, and then receive responses can work wonders to enable lasting friendships.
At the same time, autistic children may also be provided help to improve communication skills through role modelling by familiar adults and practicing what to say when in familiar scenarios. Parents and other adults must not have high expectations from autistic children with regard to their performance in different social situations, as this can lead to a great deal of pressure and stress on these children, leading to anxiety and even refusal to comply altogether.
It is also important to let autistic children know that it is all right to fumble, be awkward or confused, and that everyone does that.
In such a situation, it is best to accept one’s awkwardness or acknowledge one’s mistake and apologize. There is no shame in telling that one does not understand or one is unable to express something. Most people will show patience and understanding, relieving one from social anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, shame or guilt.
Autistic children may also be easily exhausted from the work social interaction demands. At such times, it is best to take a break and recede into one’s comfort zone to de-stress and have some alone-time. A sensory toy may help take away the stress and reinvigorate to resume interaction. If the sensory overload is too overwhelming, it is best to leave and relieve oneself as soon as may be required. Children on the spectrum must be taught that it is all right to leave a place where you’re not comfortable rather than to break down in the midst of one.
Autism is not a handicap but just a different way of perceiving and responding to the world around us- and it is all right to be different; in fact, it may even be an asset if one knows how to navigate life as an autistic person and make the best of the unique traits and new dimensions it also brings.
Owning and celebrating one’s autistic condition does wonders or confidence as well as building strong and close connections with others.
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