By Allah’s (swt) will, the man behind the success and growth of Hiba is my husband. It was his vision for me and our family, his trust upon Allah (swt), his high self-esteem that never made him feel overshadowed, and his encouragement and wisdom to help me grow as Allah’s (swt) servant, as a supportive wife, as a caring mother and a contributing Muslimah, that Hiba came into existence and grew under unimaginable circumstances. Otherwise, I would have done what most average Pakistani women are doing today – nothing, sadly.
Growth of Iman (faith)
Sheikh Abu Eesa highlighted an alarming reality recently, stating that many Deeni married couples were filing for divorce after ten years of marriage and kids. Why? The reason is that the men get a chance to pray their congregational prayers in the Masjid, attend lectures, and be in the company of pious and wise men, which spirals their Iman to new heights, whereas their wives are cooped up in the houses with smelly diapers and mindless home chores, and expected to hear and watch lectures on YouTube to fix their faith. These women are deprived of the Barakah of the study circles, the Hikmah of other practicing ladies, and an opportunity to share their daily challenges and seek counsel from pious teachers.
Instead, what happens is that such women develop a resentment for everything they should have loved and start to believe that their marriage is what is placing them in shackles, while their husbands get the better opportunity. Their spiritual growth and connection with Allah (swt) is stunted and eventually blinds them. Their husbands and other family members do not understand this vacuum and, hence, do not support them much. The relationships start to crack and eventually break.
I would earnestly appeal to all those young and old couples to attend circles of knowledge, so this disparity in faith does not occur. Women will also get a chance to benefit from the Barakah of the Quran and feel important enough to be included in this spiritual uplift. A physically tired mother locked in a monotonous schedule needs mental enrichment and emotional satisfaction.
Growth of Action
My husband taught me to become an initiator of goodness. When he was inspired by some advice, he never lectured me or our kids to go and do it. He simply started applying it, without any expectations from anyone to appreciate him, follow him, or serve him.
His motto was solely to please Allah (swt). The power of his silent goodness was such that in spite of feeling lazy, not equally inspired, or sometimes not even agreeing with him, I followed suit and became his partner (at times grudgingly). But at the end of the day, I knew he was almost always right.
Eventually I started enjoying it, admiring him for being a silent mentor and always doing his part happily and humbly as a God-fearing servant of Allah (swt).
He never forced me to change or improve to serve his needs or rights. But when I observed him being sincere in his responsibilities toward me and our family, I just wanted to serve him from the heart and make him happy. Dr. Bilal Phillips stated: “Marriage is a beautiful opportunity of worship of Allah (swt).”
Growth via Community Service
At times I would fight with him, telling him that I already had enough on my plate, having to raise our kids, manage the home, look after our parents and extended family, and lead Hiba, while he kept on aspiring for more.
He always managed to convince me that there was more room to stretch and contribute when we worked as a team. And community service is in fact the best time spent as a family. It shows our kids not only to talk the talk but also to walk the walk. So we are not one of those parents who are delivering empty talks to our children, on how we should all be responsible for our society. We are leading from the front. We take advice from our kids on how to plan, execute and do our best. This grants them exposure to mature thinking, real life coping skills and problem resolution – something they will never learn at school, universities or maybe even at their workplace.
Word of caution: Growth means sacrifice of desires and being patient; destructing old habits to replace them with new efficient ones. It is like persevering and reaping the fruit after the harvest, which takes years to reach.
When a husband supports his wife to rise and grow, he may have to share her load of responsibilities sometimes. There will be times when meals will be simple or not cooked very well. The house may not always be spick and span. The kids will need babysitting by their father. Guests will have to be politely turned down.
Basically, this will require a complete showdown with our culture, which naturally expects women to be at the beck and call of men at all times. Islam, on the other hand, wants to see women like Khadijah (rtaf) – a businesswoman, who was a caring mother and a dutiful wife. Like Ayesha (rtaf) – a scholar of Islam, who was deeply in love with her husband. Like Maryam – a slave of Allah (swt), who devoted her life to the worship of Allah (swt) and upbringing of her son. Like Hajar, who single handedly managed the well of Zamzam, the starting point of Makkah, and raised Ismail (as) as a great prophet.
Sadly, women today are not expected to play any of these parts and Deen has suffered tremendously, causing a vacuum in the society. The greatest blow has come to the Muslim family unit, where women are not fit to raise truly Allah (swt) fearing and serving children, simply because they are not eligible for the job. Such women lack spiritual knowledge, zeal, and enthusiasm to raise extraordinary families.
Being a dutiful wife does not need to clash with the role of being a learning and contributing Muslimah. It requires planning, organizing, prioritization, and most of all a husband who feels this is important for his wife, so that she is able to raise a family worthy of Jannah.
May Allah (swt) be our Guide and Protector and always choose us for His finest jobs. Ameen.
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