Response to the “Aurat March” Slogan: “Khana Khud Garam Karo” (Heat Your Own Food)
By Raja Zia-ul-Haq – President, Youth Club
I support it (this slogan) in that our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sa) did his house chores himself. I myself have no problem whatsoever with doing housework. If I see that my wife is busy and dishes need to be washed, I love doing it without being asked, because somehow doing it relaxes me. I love helping out around the house. Prophet Muhammad (sa) sew his own clothes, mended his shoes and cooked food – he enjoyed helping around the house himself. It is not a big deal to do it. My problem is with the attitude that comes along with the slogan “heat your own food”. Please, do not show this attitude. We men would love to do it but minus the attitude.
Imagine if one day “Men’s Day” is celebrated. Men start coming out on the streets holding such banners as:
- “Apnay Bag Khud Uthalo” (pick your bag yourself)
- “Bathroom Main Chipkali Khud Hi Marlo” (kill the lizard in the bathroom yourself)
- “Bottle Ka Dhakan Khud Hi Khol Lo” (open the bottle cap yourself)
I have lost count of the times my wife has come to me with a bottle, asking me to open the cap, and I said “Bismillah” and opened it immediately, saying: “Here you go!” I could have said: “Open the cap yourself! Did I come into this world to open caps for you? Is that my job? How demeaning is this? I am someone talking to people about Allah (swt) and giving lectures in conferences, and you are asking me to open bottle caps for you! Am I the only one left to kill lizards?” But I love to do it, Insha’Allah.
Why do these same women holding these banners have no problem heating the food for men in airplanes, when they become airhostesses? Or if they are working as waitresses in any foreign country and a sleazy customer comes in and takes a filthy look at them asking to reheat his food? They reply to him with a nod of head: “Of course, I will.” However, the attitude is bound to come out on their husbands! That is what I have a problem with. If you are in a Daewoo bus or an airplane, or a restaurant, you can reheat the food for everyone and anyone – is it only your poor husband you will not reheat the food for? There is no problem with men heating their own food – the problem lies in the attitude that this slogan is filled with.
What feminists basically want is that the rights of women should be above those of men, thus creating injustice in the society. I will explain what I mean by this. For example, in Pakistan, if there is a line in a bank for bill payments and a woman comes in, any noble man lets them go ahead saying: “Sister, you can go first.” Feminists ask for these ‘perks’ that women get by default in society along with equality to men in other fields. When the “Titanic” is sinking and the captain calls out: “Save the women and children first!” – the modern feminists are ready to accept that! Yes, let the men die (no problem!), but we want to stand shoulder to shoulder with men in other fields. If they really want to stand shoulder to shoulder, then let’s start having boxing matches for men and women. Why be stately and ceremonious and have separate men’s 100 metres and women’s 100 metres or men’s tennis and women’s tennis? Let them compete with each other freely! MMA (mixed martial arts) fighting, WWE fighting – let men fight with women! Why don’t you? Because you understand that they are different. No matter how much you try to say that they are alike, they are not. You are fooling yourself when you say that. In the Quran, Allah (swt) says: “And the male is not like the female.” (Al-Imran 3:36)
We are different biologically, physically and emotionally, so men have their own roles in society and women have their own. All can work according to their own capacity, and Allah (swt) does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.
Feminists say they want to do all kinds of work that men do, which is physically impossible. Do you want to go for Jihad for the sake of Allah (swt)? Do you want to work in the coal mines or on train tracks? Do you want to cut down trees or become prison guards? All these are demeaning and difficult tasks. Coal miners have to work in a toxic dark environment, knowing that this shortens their life span. They say that the most difficult job in the world is to be a mother. And yes, I agree it is very difficult to be a mother, but in motherhood you can still sit at home and work in your pajamas.
Sometimes, a man simply does not have a choice, for he has to earn for his family. People are being exploited in Sudan, Africa, and Somalia. In Abu Dhabi and Dubai, I have seen labourers and the conditions they live in, which are not even suited to animals. They are hanging outside tall sky-scrappers in temperatures above 50 degrees! The point I am trying to make is that there is exploitation of men, too. Allah (swt) has given a specific physical structure to men that enables them to do hard labour. Women, however, have other abilities that men do not have. It is Allah (swt) Who in His wisdom has defined our roles.
Feminists want to blur these lines, making men and women all equal. But after reaching equality, they want an upper hand for women, too.
From an Islamic point of view, Allah (swt) has granted a position to men and women. Goals in marriage are to create tranquility, love, and mercy between husband, wife and children.
“And those who say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Al-Furqan 25:74)
A man should pray to Allah (swt) that when he returns home from work, his wife would be the coolness of his eyes. And the wife should also pray that her husband should comfort her eyes when he comes home. A husband should not show attitude to his wife neither should the wife should show attitude to her husband – this does not manifest love or mercy in the relationship.
Do not give orders to each other. Talk with respect and love, if you want to have a healthy marriage. Will a husband not respond to a kind request by his wife? For example, if she is sick and asks him to take charge of home matters, he will do it. A husband will not say: “Do it yourself! It is not my job.” In fact, most husbands go above and beyond to help out, when their wives are unwell. This is the kind of relationship Islam encourages – not that both husband and wife show each other attitude, fighting for their own rights.
One night, a man was angry that his wife had raised her voice when speaking with him. How could she disrespect him? How could she belittle him?
This man, convinced that his wife had crossed the line, decided to go and complain about her to a man who was knowledgeable about Islam and to see what he would have to say about this woman. He went to Umar ibn Al-Khattab (rtam). As the man was just about to knock on Umar’s (rtam) door, he stopped in his tracks. He heard a voice coming from inside, a woman’s voice. It was Umar’s (rtam) wife; she was speaking loudly and her voice overrode her husband’s.
That was Umar ibn Al-Khattab (rtam) in there, the fierce ruler of the Muslim Empire that had stretched East and West, and his wife was freely and confidently voicing her opinion and discussing important matters with him.
The man, feeling ashamed of his own intolerance towards his wife, hurriedly retraced his steps and decided to leave. The man stumbled and his footsteps were heard by Umar ibn Al-Khattab (rtam) who opened the door and asked his nighttime visitor: “Have you come to visit me?”
The man sheepishly replied: “I came to complain to you that my wife had raised her voice at me, but I found that you too have what I have.” What was Umar ibn Al-Khattab’s (rtam) response?
Umar (rtam) closed the door behind him and replied: “She washes my clothes, sweeps the floors, cares for my children, and cleans my house. Allah has not commanded her to do so, but she volunteers to do all that. Shouldn’t I tolerate her if she raises her voice?”
In every household, both husband and wife endure hardships and have their share of demanding responsibilities. Nobody is perfect – we all slip and we make mistakes. Can’t we give each other some space for shortcomings? Wouldn’t our marriages last longer, if we responded just like Umar ibn Al-Khattab (rtam) did, when his wife was venting off some stress and expressing her grievances? Islam demands compromising and forgiving attitude from us. Allah (swt) says in the Quran:
“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
The family structure within the framework of Islam is that of love and mercy. If you are getting married with the intention of taking all your rights (may Allah [swt] grant you your rights) and you become an activist, then that marriage cannot last long, because there is give and take in relationships. Make Dua to Allah (swt) to bless your family and make your children the coolness of your eyes. Imagine how amazing it would be for you to enter into Jannah with your children and grandchildren and their children, all pious and God fearing!
Transcribed by Rahila Abdul Aziz – hibakidz content coordinator
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