What marks the beginning of any wedding is usually the preparation for it. Generally, the most prominent part of the wedding preparation for us is shopping. We make multiple shopping trips to markets within the city and sometimes out of the city to purchase our favourite and the most suitable things for the wedding. Meanwhile we arrange the best photographer, the best decor and event manager, the best venue, and the preparation list goes on. And then the wedding events commence.
Two weeks into the marriage, with all the excitement and fun associated with the wedding over, the real life begins for the newly-wed couple.
Till this point, everything has gone smoothly, with the happy couple sharing pictures on different social media platforms.
What made me write this article is that sadly, recently I have heard about many cases of rifts between families and even divorces between couples soon after marriage. Huge conflicts brew up on the most minor issues based on misunderstandings, excessive expectations, comparisons with each other, assumptions, and so much more. I believe that amidst all the wedding preparations, something was definitely something missing that led to all this chaos in life!
A number of factors are needed for a healthy, happy and successful marriage. Shopping, as a part of wedding preparation, is needed and important but is not the sole ingredient of a successful marriage. It’s easy to hold a successful wedding, but the real deal is maintaining a successful marriage!
One of the main ingredients (and, in my personal view, the most important wedding tip) is knowledge that it is not only the families that are preparing for wedding, but the Shaitan is also getting ready for his work!
Have a look at this Hadeeth.
Jabir reported that Allah’s Messenger (SA) said: Iblees places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension/discord); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” The Satan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him. (Muslim)
From the above Hadeeth, we learn that the most favourite task of Shaitan is to cause rifts between the couple as it disintegrates the basic unit of family and society. How important it is for a couple to stay alert from the tactics of Shaitan and keep an eye on daily life behaviour with the spouse! Anger, misunderstandings, yelling, taunting, abusing, being disrespectful, overly negative thoughts, and negative assumptions are all from Shaitan.
Keeping the hadith in mind, I strongly believe we should acquire Islamic knowledge related to marriage, get some premarital Islamic counselling, and update ourselves on how to stay alert from the tactics of Shaitan especially marriage. And this is for both husband and wife.
Know the ways that are conveyed to us in the Quran and Sunnah for keeping Shaitan as away as possible from us. Some of the ways that are mentioned in different Ahadeeth of Prophet (SA) include:
- Saying Salam upon entering the house
- Saying the Masnoon Duas upon leaving the house
- Saying Bismillah before eating
- Dusting off the bed before sleeping
- Saying Aoodhubillah in anger
- Staying in the state of ablution (Wudu)
- Regularly reciting Quran (especially Surah Al-Baqarah)
- Reciting Masnoon morning and evening Azkaar daily
- Reciting the Dua before having intimate relationship
- Regularly reciting last three Surahs of Quran (keeping in mind their translation)
And the list goes on. Do all the above and you will see a difference Insha’Allah!
A lot of authentic content is available in the form of books, e-books, articles in magazines and videos of different workshops on YouTube by authentic scholars that we must go through before marriage (it’s never too late, you can go through them after marriage too). Let me mention some of the relevant material:
Articles:
Videos on YouTube: Search for these on YouTube
- Sheikh Yasir Qadhi: Like a garment
- Raja Zia Ul Haq: Workshops named as Qabool hai and Qabool hai & beyond
- Kanwal Kaisser: Zindagi jo Muskuraye
Books:
- Marital Conflict by Dar Us Salam Publications
- Some other worth reading non Islamic books are Men are from Mars Women are from Venus by John Gray and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
And finally know that there is one thing that is the weapon of a believer, the most important tool of marriage, and should be the first line of defense in the trials of life and during the times of ease as well and that is Dua. Wake up in Tahajjud, make Dua for yourself, your spouse, your relationship, and for everything in life. Dua changes everything!
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