Sarah and Hasan were tired of their fourteen- and sixteen-year-old’s social media addiction. After much thought, they came up with a radical idea. The parents planned a vacation and decided to take along only one phone. Obviously, it was not the children’s phone. Both children fumed and threw tantrums. However, what was expected to be the worst vacation ever, turned out to be a great one eventually. After a few days of anger and frustration, the family began to laugh and enjoy. The spell of the social media was temporarily broken.
How possible is it today to discipline our children with their smartphones? If you are paying for their food, shelter and education, you should decide early and clearly what kind of privileges they will enjoy. As a parent, if you do not accept a troublesome companion, a deficient grade or unhealthy diet, you should not concede to provide undisturbed social media service to them that can negatively affect their young impressionable minds.
Simon Sinek offers some solutions to manage this issue:
Sign a contract.
When we purchase internet services, we have to sign a contract with specific terms and conditions. Why not do this with our kids, too? Parents often put down such terms as:
- The cell phone cannot be used or kept inside the bedroom.
- The child cannot have the phone during meal times.
- When friends come over, all of them have to forfeit their phones, while they are together. If the visiting kids need to talk to their parents, they can give the host’s residence contact.
- Restrict screen time.
- If any of the above conditions are violated, the child loses the phone for a week.
Spin the password.
One family had a very interesting way of managing time on the internet. The parents would change the Wi-Fi password every day. Once the children had finished their meals, chores, and responsibilities, they were allowed access daily. However, even this time was a designated one, after which the Wi-Fi was disabled for the next day.
Set an example.
Parenting is all about leading by example. Some parents are actually as addicted to their screens as their children nowadays. If that is the case, we have no right to complain, when our babies are literally eating their porridge holding their parent’s smart screen.
A doctor or someone on an emergency call has the legitimate reason to keep his or her phone active and beside him 24/7. Otherwise, ask yourself, why you really need to keep the phone with you all the time, especially during a ten minutes meal at the family table.
Recently, a relative visited Hamburg, Germany. She was surprised to see that adult Germans read a book on the train or subway, while commuting for work or pleasure. Their children play with puzzles or toys. Hardly anyone is glued to the screen in the way we witness in Pakistan, simply because children are mimicking the adults around them.
Digital-free family outings.
Often, when we dine out, we find other families sitting around us in a cafe or a restaurant. It is painful to notice that most of them are immersed in their personalized gadgets or cell phones. Hardly anyone converses or observes the surroundings. If this was meant to be a family night out, where is the engagement? Where is the laughter or even an argument?
Simon Sinek claims cynically: “If parents would have put their children up for adoption, they would have done them lesser damage than handing them over to a smartphone with constant visuals and content in their face.”
Young children can sometimes be annoying and parents might be tempted to use screen time to take a break from them. Instead, find more constructive ways to do it, so your child is able to play outdoors in the sand, grass or swings. Older children can engage in more intellectually stimulating activities, such as board games, art, or writing. Most importantly, come up with creative ways to have fun together as a family.
As a parent, you are the authority. Your children are accountable to you. Find out ways to reclaim that. Every child should know and own family norms. They should be consistently practiced by the parents as well. In case of non-compliance, there should be consequences for all.
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