By Humna Salman
“You’ve put on weight…”
“Your skin is breaking out a lot these days…”
“You should do so-and-so exercise to increase your height…”
The first thing we notice about anyone is their appearance, and unfortunately, it is the first to be commented upon too. Conversation starters revolve around the other person’s appearance, specifically on how its changed since the last meeting. Though they appear harmless to the speaker, the same cannot be said about those on the receiving end.
The truth is, the ingredient for any healthy relationship is respect, both at the individual as well as societal levels. For a harmonized society, where there’s love, growth, and compassion, respect is key.
While we often think elders are entitled to Adab, and rightfully so, we often overlook Adab for youngsters. Everyone, regardless of age, has to respect and be respected for our society to thrive as a whole.
As such, comments on other people’s bodies should be a strict no-no.
On the Day of Judgement, our Ikhlaq will weigh heaviest on our scales. While our long Qiyams, fasts (both obligatory and voluntary), and Sadqah, will, Inshallah, bring us great rewards on the Day of Judgement, they simply cannot compare to the virtue of good character.
The catch is that good Ikhlaq cannot be faked. Scholars compare the heart to a vessel, and the tongue to the ladle of said vessel. The tongue will only scoop out what’s in the heart – if, truly, we respect others, and believe body-shaming to be degrading and wholly wrong, will we be able to manifest that respect in our speech. Respect isn’t superficial – it has to be present in the heart of our hearts, for us to show the beautiful character that Islam encourages us towards.
We find an incident of Prophet Muhammad (sa), in Ash-Shama’il Al-Muhammadiyah 238, with a bedouin companion, Zahir ibn Haram (rta). He was not the best-looking, but once the Prophet (sa) playfully hugged him from behind in the marketplace, and told him, “You are precious to Allah!”.
In Musnad Ahmed 920, we find another Hadith, where the companions made fun of Abdullah Ibn Masud’s (rta) thin legs. The Prophet (sa) chided them and told them, “The leg of Abdullah will be heavier in the balance on the Day of Resurrection than Mount Uhud.”
We come through these, that real beauty lies in Imaan, and the beautiful actions and deeds that Imaan brings forth. Islam repeatedly reminds us not to judge based on face value. When Allah (swt) Himself will not look at our appearances, and will judge us based on the Taqwa that we have in our hearts, who are we to come up with these standards?
Plus, haven’t we all noticed how good deeds have a beauty of their own, and the person who does them appears beautiful too for no apparent reason? Don’t kind words, polite mannerisms, and helping hands beautify a person?
Unfortunately, these have been sidelined by the outwardly and self-created beauty standards. As we focus on other people’s skin, hair and figure, we forget where true beauty lies.
Body-shaming has plagued our society, but why? After all, only after understanding where it stems from can we cut it at its root. Let’s explore the causes of body-shaming.
1.Wrong beauty standards
Social and mainstream media now form the narrative. Of course, a woman appearing on screen before millions of viewers will have perfectly contoured cheekbones and not a pimple in sight, but the same cannot be said for the rest of us. We need to understand that these men and women are camera-ready, having spent hours in the hair and makeup department to make their appearance just right. This is simply not the norm.
2. Speaking too much
When we are habituated to speaking too much, we ramble on without thinking. The one who speaks too much also earns more sins. Talking too much means we eventually run out of conversation topics and shift our focus towards useless, meaningless comments. A Momin, before speaking, will filter his words through his heart. He will ask himself, “Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary?”
3. Lack of purpose
We sometimes don’t realize that Allah (swt) has created us for a higher purpose. Our minds have so much potential. We’re meant to do great things with our time and Aqal instead of talking about other people’s weights and heights. Not wanting to get better, we think this is what life is – gossip, making fun and unrealistic beauty standards.
4. Backhanded compliments and unsolicited advice
These are silent killers. We body shame, but don’t realize it. “Your acne is looking so much better now.” “Use yoghurt on your skin to make it lighter.” While doing this, we’re making the other person conscious of their flaws. We disguise it as pity or a desire to be helpful, but we’re just kidding ourselves. More often than not, we have no reason to comment on anyone’s appearance. It’s not being their well-wisher, however much we’d like to tell ourselves that it is.
It is important to remind ourselves that angels are at work, writing every one of our words down. An average human being utters 15,000-20,000 words a day. Over an average lifespan, that could amount to 3500 novels. Can we stand in front of Allah (swt), and justify every single one of those words? Will all of them be in our favour? It certainly is food for thought.
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