By Sadaf Azhar
The literal meaning of the word Ramadan is excessive heat or very light rain after extreme heat. If we spend the month sincerely worshipping Allah (swt), our fasting will ‘burn’ our sins. Like the sun melts objects, the reminders from the Quran and Sunnah ‘melt’ our hearts.
We tend to prepare for Ramadan in terms of food preparation or Eid preparations. Spiritual growth often takes a back seat, often limited to simply fasting or Taraweeh itself. So it is important for each of us to have well-defined goals for Ramadan with the intention of pleasing Allah (swt). Prepare for your Ramadan by discussing your goals as a family, with each member individualizing his or her plan.
Fasting
Fasting is a ‘magnet’ that should bring us closer to Allah (swt) if we focus on the spiritual aspects too. As Ibn Jawzi said: “Fasting is the ‘school of Taqwa’”.
Try to focus on abstaining from those actions that are prohibited or disliked by the Prophet (sa). For instance, don’t waste food- ensure you finish everything on your plate, in your mug and in your bottle. Dispose of rubbish properly at home, in the Masjid and on the streets. Make Wudu carefully using the Masnoon amount of water or ensuring that you don’t let water running during Wudu, brushing your teeth or washing the dishes. You could even make an effort to collect kitchen waste water or Wudu water and use that to water your plants.
Likewise, ‘fast’ from the sins of the heart- grudges, greed, jealousy, and covetousness. Since we are best aware of our weaknesses, let each child choose his own struggle against his Nafs.
Salaah
Taraweeh, especially if prayed in the Masjid, brings a burst of colour and a sense of social bonding. Try to improve your Taraweeh spirituality by reading up a summary of the Quran that will be recited that night beforehand. You can tell your children or you can reward the child who shares the summary each day after Asr.
If you’re praying at home, set up a designated prayer area with your prayer mat (keep a simple, plain one to be more focused) with your Dua book and your Quran from which you can recite if you’re not a Haafidh. Involve your girls or younger children in your worship at night, even if that means they play or read books near you. Display Islamic books for their reading or activity, colour pencils or crayons. Take along small snacks and water bottles with you if you take them to the Masjid to keep them settled and quiet.
This is a good time to teach kids to respect other worshipers too. With younger kids its best to take up space in corners of the Masjid or with other mothers carrying children of same age group.
The idea is to introduce Allah’s (swt) house to them. If they are cranky or get restless it’s best to keep your prayer short at the Masjid. The idea is not to cause discomfort to others, yourself or your young kids.
At home, try adding other Nawafil to your routine such as the Tahajjud prayer (this will enhance your Qiyam al Layl experience) and the Duha’a prayer. Also, try to improve your focus in prayer by memorizing and adding Masnoon Duas to your daily prayer and even alternating between Adhkaar.
Dua and Dhikr
Stress the importance of morning and evening Adhkaar in your family. Set a goal to memorise at least one more Masnoon Dua and make it a daily habit. Ask each other to remind the others about Duas (for instance the Dua for entering and leaving the Masjid) and stress on sending as many Salwaat on the Prophet (sa) as possible especially each time he is mentioned.
Quran
This Ramadan, feel the Quran. Understand it deeply. Allah’s (swt) best gift to mankind is the Quran and He states it. “The Most Merciful taught the Quran.” (Ar Rahman 55:1-2) Ramadan was chosen as the month to reveal this blessed revelation.
Hence Ramadan is not just a month of alternately fasting and feasting. It is the month to establish a firm connection with Allah’s (swt) Divine guidance in the form of the Holy Quran.
Share your Quran recitation goals. Generally, we aim to complete at least one reading of the Quran within Ramadan, but encourage them to read the translation as well. The older children can aim to read easy explanations of either the frequently recited Surahs or of Surah Baqarah since it contains many commands and prohibitions. If you’re able to, hold a brief family Quran session after Fajr reading a summary of a Juz daily.
Aim also to memorise a portion of the Quran, even if it is a couple of Ayahs, and reciting it in the daily prayers. An easy target could be to choose a 30 verse surah such as Surah Mulk.
Explore other resources
Enhance your knowledge of Islamic concepts, the Seerah and Islamic history through listening to different lecture series as a family. Resources such as Yaqeen Institute and Al Maghrib have inspiring Ramadan based lecture series that are short enough to capture children’s attention and imagination in the difficult last hours of the fast. Al Huda and Quran Academy have Quran based lectures and Seerah stories for Urdu listeners.
Buy or borrow colourful Islamic books and activity books to engage children. Check out www.hibamagazine.com/shop. Even certain television programmes or animated series that focus on Ramadan around the world or stories of the Companions are appropriate edu-tainment opportunities.
Sadqah
Children can be encouraged to spend as charity in Ramadan. You can involve the children in making a Sadqah box,contributing to ration drives and donating their collections in the last ten nights. Encourage them to spend on their family members too, citing the Hadith that ensures a double reward for spending on relatives.
Remind them also that charity isn’t necessarily in the form of cash, encourage them to de-clutter and give excess toys, books and accessories. You could even begin a Ramadan plantation drive.
Breaking a bad habit
Identify at least one bad habit that you will try to disengage from this month forever.
It could be to quit gossiping, reacting with anger, a bad word that you will refrain from uttering, an attempt to at least stop one messy habit or simply be an attempt to pray as soon as prayer time sets in. Encourage the children to help each other by friendly and gentle reminders when they see someone slipping.
Adopting a good habit
In the light of what Prophet (sa) encouraged, adopt a good habit each Ramadan to become a better Muslim for life. For instance, you can begin using the Siwak or reciting Surah Mulk every night. You could even begin daily habit of reading a small portion of Seerah or Islamic history.
This would also be a good time to adopt a Sunnah eating habit. You could include Nabeedh or Talbina in your diet especially at Sahoor or you could make a concentrated effort to portion control according to Sunnah regulations.
Family ties
Unfortunately, we are kind to strangers but often take family members for granted, being impatient and intolerant. Encourage each other to set goals towards grandparents, parents and siblings that include being more empathetic, helpful and patient. Encourage them to excuse angry outbursts or irritability as a natural consequence of fasting and sleep shortage.
Periods
Goals for days when you won’t be able to fast and pray are essential to prevent derailing your efforts to maximize Ramadan rewards. Continue memorization, focus on Adhkaar and Duas and read or listen to Seerah, Tafseer and similar books and lectures. Also, try making fasting easier for others around you by helping more in household chores if you’re able to.
Social media usage
Sadly, this merits a whole discussion simply because it is ‘Fitnah’ literally at the tip of your fingers. Not only do we waste time, but we fall prey to depression, greed, consumerism and obscenity on social media. It also often leads to arguments and ill feelings, so severely restrict your social media usage if you can’t delete the apps. Try to set a social media schedule that the whole family follows so that children can follow your role model and no one feels unfairly treated.
May this Ramadan bring your family closer together and grant it Iman and Taqwa for the rest of the year. Ameen.
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