Basic education for character building is often forgotten today. Schools assume it is happening at home, and families assume that school academics are sufficient. As a result, nobody is teaching kids Furqan (the difference between right and wrong).
Tarbiyah was never meant to be outsourced, as Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan rightfully claims: “YouTube lectures will not teach your child Deen, only you will.”
Values and principles of life were always imparted to children by their parents. The Quran has numerous examples, where a father delivers them to his children: Sulaiman (as) to Dawood (as), Ibrahim (as) to Ismail (as), Yaqoob (as) to Yusuf (as), and Luqman to his son. An example from later generations is: Ertugrul Ghazi to Usman.
As fathers, you may want to ask yourself a few questions:
- Am I a clock on the wall?
Nobody speaks to it. When I wake up in the morning, I do not see my kids. When I return home, I do not see them. I never go into their bedroom, and they never come to mine. We seldom have meals together. We never play anything. We never exchange views or ideas. We never laugh or even argue constructively. We basically never talk to each other.
- What memories will I leave behind for my children?
Will my kids remember me as a workaholic? Will they remember me as someone absent from their lives? Will they talk about me being busy with my friends or past times? Maybe surfing the social media all the time, watching movies, shows or news channels? Or maybe frequenting the Masjid or reciting the Quran? Or sharing something inspiring that made them learn a lesson?
- Can my child walk up to me and ask anything fearlessly?
He might try as a child, but if he was ever reprimanded for being honest about his feelings or genuinely curious about a taboo subject, he will stop coming to you. He will go to those who do not scold him, accuse him or mistrust him – his friends. Or he may log on to the internet, which offers unfiltered information endlessly. This is simply because he does not feel safe and respected to ask his parents.
- Am I in shape?
In order to play with toddlers or grownup kids, your legs have to carry you. You need plenty of energy to run and jump. You need the vigour to enjoy this playtime. But if you can barely make it through the door once you come home and want your peace and quiet with no action and nobody around you, you lose a great bonding opportunity. Some games can be played indoors in small spaces too, for example, board games, fooze ball, badminton, basketball, darts, or skipping.
- Do I enjoy my children?
The Prophet (sa) enjoyed kids so much that he would line them up and ask them to run to him standing at the other corner. He would hold out his hands to them to encourage them to come dashing towards him. The kids would sprint and, unable to stop on time, would land all over him pushing him to the ground. He would laugh and kiss them all lovingly. These were not even his own kids.
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