Maintaining Boundaries from Toxic People in Islam

By Bilal Naeem and Umm Zahra – Hiba magazine team writer

Who are toxic individuals? 

Among some popular terms of the 21^st century ‘toxicity’ tops the list. Why have we suddenly started to encounter toxic people? Or is it that they were always around us but went unrecognized? Or have we become too sensitive and private in our dealings with others and deem every second person to be toxic, who steps into our space?

By definition, toxic people are ones who, bring negativity and conflict to the lives of others. Such individuals can be controlling, manipulative and abusing (verbally, emotionally as well as physically). Another problem is that dealing with them is not just a one-time unpleasant experience. If this person is in close contact on a regular basis, his/her behaviour can have lasting impacts on those around them.

Some experts have identified toxic individuals as follows:

1. Inconsistent in behaviour
2. In need of constant attention
3. Disrespect boundaries
4. Lie
5. Gaslight
6. Play the victim
7. Judge other’s attitude
8. Spread negativity
9. Criticize others
10. Jealous
11. Keep disappointing others
12. Dramatic in nature
13. Self-centred
14. Not interested in reforming themselves
15. Not aware of their toxicity at times

Islam emphasizes maintaining peace, compassion, and justice in relationships. However, it also encourages believers to protect themselves from harmful influences. Setting boundaries with those who consistently cause harm is not only a right but a necessity to preserve mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being.

Recognizing Harmful Relationships 

Islam recognizes that some relationships can be detrimental. The Quran warns against associating closely with those who influence negatively. Allah (swt) says:

“And keep yourself patient with those who call upon their Lord morning and evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance…” (Al Kahf, 18:28).

This verse encourages believers to surround themselves with people who strengthen their faith and remind them of Allah (swt), while avoiding those who turn them away from righteousness. Toxic individuals often drain emotional energy, disrupt peace, and can lead to a decline in one’s spiritual connection.

 The Islamic View on Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care and self-respect, aligning with the Islamic principle of protecting oneself from harm. Prophet Muhammad (sa) said: “Do not cause harm or return harm.” (Ibn Majah).

This Hadith emphasizes that while believers should not harm others, they are also not required to tolerate harm from others. Maintaining boundaries is a way to prevent further damage to one’s well-being.

Practical Steps to Set Boundaries 

1. Recognize the Toxicity: The first step is to acknowledge the harm being caused. Toxic behavior can manifest as constant criticism, manipulation, or emotional abuse. Islam encourages believers to address injustice, even if it is within personal relationships.
2. Communicate Firmly: Politely but firmly communicate the limits of acceptable behavior. Allah (swt) advises believers to speak kindly and justly, even when correcting others: “And speak to people good [words]…” (Al Baqarah, 2:83). A clear and respectful conversation can set the foundation for maintaining healthy boundaries.
3. Distance When Necessary: If the toxic individual refuses to respect boundaries, it may become necessary to limit contact. The Prophet (sa) demonstrated this when he distanced himself from individuals who persisted in wrongdoing, always prioritizing the well-being of the Muslim community.
4. Seek Support and Counsel: When dealing with difficult relationships, seeking advice from knowledgeable and trustworthy individuals is encouraged. The Quran says: “And consult them in matters. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah…” (Al-Imran, 3:159).
5. Rely on Allah (swt) for Strength and Guidance: Dealing with toxic people can be emotionally draining. Regular Salah and Dua are essential for seeking guidance and strength from Allah (swt). The Prophet (sa) would often pray for protection from harm, teaching us to seek Allah’s (swt) help in challenging situations.

 Islam’s Stance of Justice

Islam permits the harmed believer to deal with the oppressor on basis of justice. Allah (swt) states in the Quran: “And if you punish (an enemy, O believers), punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed. But if you are patient – it is better for those who are patient.” (An Nahl 16:126)

Revenge might be sweet but it is most difficult to ascertain in non-tangible dealings. How do you ensure that while avenging you do not become an oppressor from a victim? If someone abused you verbally how do you count the words he/she uttered? How do you match the tone? Though settling scores is allowed, the higher way is exhibiting patience as it has more benefits for the believer.

Forgiveness Without Enabling Harm 

Islam emphasizes forgiveness and reconciliation. Allah says: “…But if you pardon and overlook and forgive – then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (At-Taghabun, 64:14).

However, forgiveness does not mean allowing continuous harm. Believers can forgive someone while maintaining distance to protect themselves from further damage. The Prophet (sa) forgave many who wronged him, but he also established clear boundaries to ensure the safety and dignity of the community. 

Allah’s (swt) Support for the One Who bears with patience

A man came to the Prophet (sa) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off, I treat them well, but they treat me badly, I try to be kind to them, but they are cruel to me.” The Prophet (sa) responded: “If you are as you say, it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. You will continue to have support from Allah against them so long as you continue doing that.” (Muslim)

We might assume that demonstrating patience means being a lesser creation who has been chosen to simply suffer. Allah (swt) Ash Shaheed, is a Witness to all the cruelty the victim endures. Allah (swt) rewards the victim in the world also in ways he doesn’t know.

Seeking Balance 

Maintaining boundaries does not mean cutting off everyone who disagrees or challenges us. Constructive criticism and disagreements are a part of healthy relationships. Islam encourages believers to differentiate between constructive and destructive behaviors, ensuring that decisions are guided by wisdom and fairness.

The Quran advises: “Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due and when you judge between people to judge with justice. Excellent is that which Allah instructs you. Indeed, Allah is ever Hearing and Seeing.” (An Nisa, 4:58).

In Islam, maintaining boundaries with toxic individuals is an act of self-preservation and an essential aspect of leading a balanced and peaceful life. By recognizing harm, setting limits, and seeking Allah’s (swt) guidance, believers can protect themselves while upholding the principles of compassion and justice.

Boundaries are not barriers to kindness; rather, they are tools for maintaining dignity and ensuring that one’s spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being are safeguarded. May Allah (swt) guide us to protect ourselves from those that consciously or subconsciously wish others harm and grant us Hidayah to not be among those that do so.