By
Umm Isam – Hiba magazine content writer
I could never understand how anyone could lose a shoe or a slipper in his/her own bedroom? Did it actually fly and hide itself? Or did the footwear have the power to disappear? As I undertook this investigative task and questioned the suspects being my kids, the maids, etc. Allah (swt) made me stumble upon a very helpful read by Cora Gold, Editor-in-Chief of Revivalist magazine.
Cora says: “Teaching organizational skills doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming. In fact, the simpler the approach, the more likely it is meant to stick… Whether your child is in preschool or navigating the teen years, these tips are designed to grow with them and your family’s lifestyle.”
- Begin with repeated routines
For younger children this could mean helping them set out their clothes or school uniform a night before. Preparing their bags and keeping in a suitable place to collect in the morning. In case they keep forgetting something in particular such as their stationary etc. place a note some where readable that says “Don’t forget me!” signed by the stationary pouch with a weepy face.
Actually for older kids it’s not too different. We tend to expect them to behave like us – fully responsible grownups. Truth of the matter is that they are still growing up and learning lots of things on the way in a distracting and over whelming world. Treating them with some humour, kind drama and smiles helps them learn with dignity and respect. And kiss them when they try and get some thing done.
Lectures and mention of past goof ups in private and discussion about their waywardness in public is a big NO.
- Make storage easy, accessible and personalized
When your kids are young, prioritize the furniture according to their height and size. They should be able to easily reach shelves to place books, toss their toys into baskets or storage bins, hang their night suit, etc. on a hook easy to reach. A little bit of encouragement and acknowledgement helps as children naturally want to feel grown up. “Masha Allah! You are responsible.” Or “Oh! Alhumdulillah, you can take care of yourself.”
With older kids ask them how would they like to arrange their stuff? What do they need to see so you can give them open storage boxes to place on their desk or in a corner of their bed room. What would they like to keep away so again you can give them baskets to keep inside or drawers to work with. Generally when they are allowed to personalize their space they own it and take more interest in it.
If they prefer privacy and do not appreciate intrusion into their space, it is best to strike deals. A mother shares: “My son takes out an hour every week to organize his stuff and shows off his ability once done. And I patiently wait for that hour encouraging him with a smile: ‘I can see, In sha Allah one day you will be able to manage your own home well and you will be a supportive husband and a role modelling father.’”
- Be a collaborator and not a critique
Firstly understand that organization is a life skill. It should be learnt for personal success and peace. Sometimes mothers take it to be a personal badge of honour especially if they have been known for neat and tidy homes. They are also ever critical of their kids if they do not believe in the same finesse or follow suit.
Interestingly there are some individuals who are great achievers in spite of living in a mess. To a common eye it might seem that they are doomed for life but these people also have a way to prioritize and organize their own stuff. It’s just done in their own way.
They can dig out the report they need from under piles of papers. They can fish out their favourite jacket from a havoc stricken closet. The extra stuff doesn’t bother them or come in their way. In fact they get upset when you take away that clutter as we may call it.
Here’s what another mom of two teenaged girls advises: “When my daughters cannot find something I tell them innocently and patiently that I have no clue. If they need help, I can assist but they have to promise me to give away something to the poor as Sadqa. That helps de-clutter the extra stuff.”
- Label and List
For younger children tap into their spatial memory and work with labels and lists. It will help them understand and remember what goes where. For e.g. if you have a chest of three drawers, you may label outside ‘socks’, etc. For toy boxes and bins you can put up labels such as ‘Blocks’, ‘Animals’, etc.
Older kids can write their own labels and stick them. When they write stuff addressing their personalized needs, they are likely to put them in place.
For toddlers who cannot read yet, make simple pictures or signs to help them decode such as image of blocks, image of an animal they like, etc.
For teen agers give them white boards, soft boards and other relevant options to jot down their reminders and lists. Challenge them to use planners, calendars, reminders on their smart phones, etc. for smart skill building.
- Model a peaceful organizer
As parents we can become stress free if we decide a certain time of the day when we will organize our premises. For younger ones you can decide that time when they are cooperative such as after they have napped, been fed and their school work is out of the way. Similarly it’s not wise to push around a child to keep tidy when you have guests over, if you are sick or the child is ill. Organization should not be an unwelcome miserable memory for children. Mothers become bitter when they are overworked, do not receive cooperation from their family, etc.
For older kids you need to collaborate looking at their study schedule and other occupations. If your youth sees your emotional temperature sore each time you want him/her to be organized, he will most likely develop a lifelong aversion for it and choose not to organize himself.
- Recognize the effort rather than the aesthetics
Children as a principle want to please their parents. But when they feel overwhelmed or a failure to live up to their parent’s dreams and demands, they stop trying. This is true in every case.
It is very much possible that your child does a lousy business at folding towels, making a wrinkle free bed or stacking stuff neatly. That’s okay. As long as he or she has begun to achieve the first mile stone of attempting to be organized, do not break their heart by telling them how you do it better or someone else does it better. Once their habit of organizing is grounded, you can inspire them to learn the aesthetics later.
- Do not reprimand or rescue them from their mess
Our children know very well who is the more organized parent between mom and dad? They also try to squeeze out of chores knowing too well that if mom has a tendency to get things organized, she will either do it herself or hire a maid to do it.
Especially for older kids it is best to let them face minor consequences if they feel lazy or non-serious to pay heed to you. For e.g. let them wear a wrinkled or unwashed uniform to school if they repeatedly forget to toss it in the laundry in time for a wash. Instead of the ‘I told you so’ glare or yelling, ask them calmly to solve the issue so it doesn’t happen next time. Let them know that we are all responsible to remember organizing important things in our life. Parents only help when kids are very young and unable to do that. Parents are not servants at their beck and call.
- Be a role model
I know of a mother who every now and then casually shows her kids how she manages to keep herself organized. Her daily planner, schedules, notes, lists, alarms, sticky note reminders. What a big relief they are and make her feel empowered and productive. This makes her feel happy and in charge of her life.
As a parent we need to set an example of how to stay organized and also how to deal with failure when we forget to organize. Our kids should not just see us as a super hero who never fails. In fact they must learn how to humanly grow at their own pace and reach their potential fumbling and stumbling until they become steady!
Lastly your child must remember you as a patient, calm and forgiving parent to learn anything from you. Your house is not a prison and you are not a warden. It’s more important to have a happy and welcoming home than to have an organized space with bitter and angry inmates.
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