By Alia Moin Adil – Certified Life Coach and Freelance Writer
Ultimate peace can only be found in Jannah. In Duniya, we can only strive to maintain peace. Peace does not mean being in a quiet place void of trouble or hard work. Peace means being in the midst of it all and still remaining calm, and composed in your heart.
How do we achieve a tranquil state despite the challenges in our lives? Here are a few tips based on the Quran, Sunnah and my personal experiences that can help others overcome their sadness.
Know the Reality of this World
As Dr Yasir Qadhi explains, “We need to understand that this world was created to be a world of stress. In fact, it is called in Arabic, Dar ul Ibtilah – place of trials. Ultimate peace can be attained only in Jannah – Dar ul Salaam – literally, the place of peace.
Allah (swt) states: “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth, life, and fruits but give good tidings to the patient.” (Al Baqarah 2: 155)
Understand that you cannot eliminate sadness and stress from your life of this world. The goal is to understand why it is there and to minimise its painful impact on you.
Understand the Wisdom behind Tests
The quicker we realise the wisdom behind our tests, the easier it becomes to cope. The purpose of these tests is to gain reward and attain higher ranks with Allah (swt). He tests us to separate good from evil. Moreover, tests are a source of purification. Prophet ﷺ said: “No fatigue, disease, sorrow, sadness, harm, or distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were a prick of a thorn, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
We can see how our Prophet ﷺ encouraged mental wellness through cognitive reframing. He taught the Companions (rta) that experiencing hardships can also be a blessing from Allah (swt), having benefits that they may not have knowledge of. This shifts negative thought patterns to a more optimistic mind set.
Flee to Allah (swt)
When calamity strikes, we need to connect to Allah (swt) as soon as possible to easily cope with our tragedy. Allah (swt) mentions: “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Al Baqarah 2: 153)
Recite short but strong Zikr “Subhan Allah” Allah (swt) is Pure. He does not commit Zulm on anyone. He is flawless.
Offer Nawaafil.
Make Duas for Him to grant patience, ease and steadfastness. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught Umm Salama (rta) a beautiful Dua the day her husband passed away.
“We belong to Allah and to Allah is our return. Oh Allah, reward me for my calamity, and replace my loss with something better.”
When a Museeba (trouble) falls upon us and we immediately recite this Dua, it surely brings comfort to the broken heart, and Allah (swt) Al Jabbar mends broken hearts and grants His servant better than what He took back.
Dr Yasir Qadhi explains: “Tawakkul is a frame of mind. Tawakkul is when you do everything you can but at the same time, your heart knows that you will find a way out by Allah (swt)”.
Take help from the Seerah
When Ibrahim, the son of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, he wept and said, “Verily, the eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say anything except what is pleasing to our Lord. We are saddened by your departure, O Ibrahim.” [Bukhari] oys
It is natural to be sad over your loss, but we need to be careful that our tongue does not utter words of ingratitude, disbelief and hopelessness.
This also negates two important false ideas prevalent in our society. Firstly, when adults tell kids not to cry. Worse when boys are especially singled out and told “Boys don’t cry” or ‘Are you crying like a girl?”.
Secondly it is normal to feel grief. We should not expect ourselves to be happy all the time to post evidences online. That is life that will be full of happy and sad days. We just need to deal with both and stay a moderate.
In the Seerah, we read about the slander upon our mother Ayesha (rta) and how she turned to Allah (swt) and made Dua to Him. Allah responded, converting her sadness into happiness, by revealing verses of the Quran in her favour.
Feel the grief
Acceptance is the first step of healing. Yasmin Mojahed says, “One might ask – how do I overcome depression and trauma, how do I let go of my anxiety, my panic attacks? Looking at all the mental health challenges, what the psychologists have discovered is that all the questions have the same answer – ‘You have to feel your pain’. And only after you feel your pain can you release your pain.”
When the Prophet ﷺ said: “the eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved …” he was letting us know that it is human to shed tears and to feel sad when facing a trial. Understanding and acknowledging our emotions and undergoing the process of experiencing the grief, will help release it.
Crying is therapeutic-a literal form of self-regulation. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. This soothes the emotions, calms the body, and helps sleep better. It is okay to cry, to sit down for a while and take the time to process and heal and finally move on.
That is the reason why we feel better after we have cried our heart out and start to return to a normal mode of thinking and emotions.
Trust your Strengths
We have it within our means to pass the test. We are informed by Allah (swt) Al Khaaliq Our Creator:
“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” (Al Baqarah 2: 286)
When a tragedy happens, do not think you cannot bear this, or you cannot face it. It is a Quranic rule – the fact that Allah (swt) has chosen you, means that you are qualified to pass the test. It means that Allah (swt) has already given you the tools to make it through rough waters.
Give it a Meaning
Sheikh Omar Suleiman suggests you start from your goal. For example, visualise where you want to be on the Day of Judgement – Allah’s (swt) Pleasure, Jannah, your ‘safe place’ (as we say in the language of Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy), and then look backwards, rather than seeing through the moment of trauma. This gives a meaning to our suffering. It makes it all worthwhile.
Stay connected with the righteous
When my son passed away, it was my friend who reminded me of the Dua Prophet ﷺ taught Umm Salama (rta). My teacher helped recall the story of Umm Suleim (rta) and how she bore the death of her son. I was reminded how Sabr will be rewarded without measure.
My neighbour would come and visit us with her children and strengthen our shattered hearts with their comforting company. The importance of support from well-wishers and the community can never be underestimated.
Remain hopeful
Hopelessness leads to sorrow and depression. Believers are optimistic in Allah’s (swt) Rahmah. Rajaa is to have the best expectations from Allah (swt), after one has put in their best efforts.
When Musa (as) was trapped between the sea and the army of the Pharoah, he was hopeful of the mercy of Allah – “Indeed, with me is my Lord; He will guide me”. (As Shuara 26:62)
For many years, Yaqoob (as) remained hopeful of being reunited with his son, Yusuf (as).
“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.” (Viktor E. Frankl)
Focus on Self-growth
The Prophet ﷺ was commanded to migrate to Madinah after 13 years of persecution in Makkah and we see how Islam and the believers prospered because of that.
Even in suffering there is ‘Khair’. A recent trial in life led me to a Life Coach and introduction to NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming. Now as a Life Coach myself, I have a way to better myself and the lives of my clients. The satisfaction, acquired from making another heart content, is priceless.
Reframe. Take life challenges as an opportunity for rebirth, self-growth, and transformation. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” (Dr Wayne Dyer)
Be Proactive
Allah’s (swt) help will surely come but we must also do our part. We must actively try to minimise the source of grief and physically pursue change. Even miracles require some effort. Allah (swt) told Musa (as) to strike the staff before the miracle of splitting the sea took place. Maryam (as) was instructed to shake the tree for the dates to fall while she bore labour pains. We cannot be the passive victim in our story.
Listen to the Recitation of the Quran
Scientific research has shown that consciously listening to the Quran increases alpha and theta brain waves resulting in deep relaxation, stress reduction, creativity, and positive thinking.
“Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” (Ar Rad 13:28)
Quran is the best form of Dhikr. Dhikr helps form a spiritual connection with Allah (swt) through gratitude, supplication, and reflection, resulting in a calmer state. During some of the toughest days of my life, I would go for a walk between Asr and Maghrib and then visit the local Masjid to soothe myself through the recitation in Maghrib prayers. It was, and remains, my best form of therapy.
Connect with Nature
Walking barefoot on the grass, listening to the birds, soaking the warmth of the sunlight, being in the present, deep breathing – all help release ‘happy hormones’ that have profound effects on our mind and body. If you have a friend along, even better.
Engage in Self-care
The importance of proper nutrition and good sleeping habits can never be underestimated. Ayesha (rta) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah saying Talbina (barley broth) gives rest to the heart of the patient and makes it active and relieves some of his sorrow and grief.” (Bukhari)
Cold baths help regulate the nervous system.
It is proven that Wudhu is a therapeutic experience.
Make Duas
Make lots and lots of Dua and Istaghfaar. More important than the wording of the Dua, is the spirit of your heart. Call out from the depths of your heart.
“When he called to his Lord a private call [i.e. supplication].” (Maryam 19:3)
Share your burdens with Allah (swt) at Tahajjud and speak to your Rabb one-to-one. There are numerous Quraanic and Masnoon Duas to benefit from.
The writer can be reached via
email: aliamoin@outlook.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alia-moin
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