Rivalry and Praise in the Classroom

I have a student in my class who is outstanding. I feel uneasy praising her too much, fearing that other students might begin to resent her. What should be the right course?

Trust your uneasiness. You do no favour to the student by constantly praising her. It would be best for her and everyone else to look for opportunities, where the entire class can be appreciated: “What teamwork! You all pitched in and look at the class now – it’s spick and span. No trace of any project done here.”

When you are especially pleased by what your bright student has done, describe it as a matter of fact: “I see how you managed to research in detail and use just the right information for your report.” This is the kind of comment other students will hear and maybe benefit from, too. It would be best to reserve your emotional response to the student for a private moment. Then when you can tell her why and how much you enjoy having her in your classroom.

What is the danger in recognizing a student as the ‘fastest’, ‘best’ or ‘brightest’ in class? The teacher is only trying to fuel the student’s confidence in his or her abilities. It should make other students want to compete, too.

The danger in focusing on who is the ‘fastest’, ‘best’ or ‘brightest’ is twofold. The remaining class may become discouraged and stop trying harder instead of being motivated. They clearly know who will always win, so they see no point in making an effort to improve. The second problem is that the star now needs the rest of the class to perform poorly in order to continue to shine in the teacher’s eyes. The bright student will not worry about personal goals but about maintaining his or her stardom.

The best way to compliment and recognize work could be: “You described your grandparent’s farmhouse in such detail that I can almost see it.” Or “Every answer on this paper is correct. You know your fractions well.”

Now the student can measure himself or herself by his or her own standards, rather than against the peers. The pressure to do better just because other classmates are speeding ahead is lifted.

When we give out golden stars, stickers and comments like ‘you are special’, do they not build a high self-esteem in students?

You can’t paste self-esteem on from the outside. Self-esteem is felt when the person believes in his or her abilities. The stars, stickers and comments are praise and affirmations from the teacher that work momentarily, but they fall off easily, when the evidence suggests to the child that he is not so special. For example, if a child is worried about a new concept of math that he does not understand well, telling him that he is special will not help. But he could be reminded that he has understood all previous concepts well, and that he will get the hang of this one in time, too. So the confidence is built on the child’s own past performance. The student might think: “If I did it then, I will do it now, too.”

Sometimes kids seem totally ignorant. Doesn’t the teacher need to tell them the right answer?

The role of the educator is not to supply right answers. It is to help students arrive at correct answers through their own thinking process. The teacher may ask respectfully the student what prompted his answer. Some additional questions by the teacher can lead the child to the next level of understanding and to the correct direction.

A special education teacher reported that she was reading a story of a beekeeper, when one of the students Manal asked: “Is bee a bird?” Several children raised their hands eagerly.

The teacher said: “Manal, that’s a very interesting question. What makes you think that a bee could be a bird?”

Manal stated: “They both have wings.”

“Is there anything else that is the same?”

“They fly.”

“You noticed two things that were the same. Class, is there anything that makes birds different from bees?”

“Birds got feathers; they are bigger; birds don’t sting.”

Manal suddenly added: “I know! A bee is an insect!”

All heads in the class nodded. The teacher wrote on the board as a conclusion “A bee is an insect”.

Rivalry at Home

I have two daughters. The younger gets straight A’s, but the older one struggles to get B’s and C’s. When they both show me their report cards at the same time, I try to avoid praising the younger one, so that her older sister won’t feel bad. Am I doing the right thing?

Your response to one child’s accomplishments should have nothing to do with what her sister has or hasn’t achieved. Each child needs to be affirmed for her individual achievements.

Your younger daughter is entitled to time alone with you, so that she can share her pride in her academic ability and have it acknowledged by her mother.

Her older sister is also entitled to private ‘report card time’, so that she can express her satisfaction or dissatisfaction with her schoolwork and receive support for her efforts.

Neither of your daughters should receive less than her due, because of her sister’s talents.

Adapted from “How to talk so kids can learn” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.